This page has never felt “done”, or exactly right to me. Perhaps because the truest thing about me at all times is that I am a person in process.
For the first thirty or so years of my life I was in the unconscious process of trying to constrict and control as an uninformed response to my nature. A nature I was oblivious to.
Without the understanding that I was (and am) Highly Sensitive, and an Empath I spent a great deal of time in the process of trying to control people and circumstances around me, so that I might feel ok. This was largely unsuccessful and created disconnection, discomfort, conflict and resentment in my relationships.
It was also outside my understanding that my acute awareness and sensitivity to energy is not standard issue for all humans. Though I certainly had always felt different than others, because my difference was on the inside and perceptual in nature, I had no evidence that it was real. So I just went about doing what everyone else was doing. Getting the job, trying to do the corporate climb (which I sucked at), basically following a very conventional life.
But all the while I felt there was something missing.
As though I had been existing on a single floor of a shopping mall, moving from one chain store to another, trying on and consuming various mass-produced goods, hoping each time that the next one would offer me what I sensed was available to me, and growing with frustration and disgust each time it failed.
And then one day after reaching a breaking point in the frustration and disgust I finally tried an energy technique that I had been learning about, and it was like suddenly discovering an escalator down to a secret basement level of the mall.
The energy level.
This basement level contained all kinds of quirky shops and vendors. I began with those who could provide relief and unstuff you of years of accumulated emotional goo. I moved on to ones who offered insights into the mind and shuffled programming disks around to optimize performant
was an indication of is realm in which I was meant to focus someone who is came here to understand and work with the world of energy, I was constantly trying to either squish myself into some box, or control the people around